I have my contract for the 2007-2008 school year sitting in a drawer in my desk. I haven't signed it yet and while I have been telling myself I will... I'm not so sure...
I thought I knew what I was going to do. I thought it would make perfect sense and I would feel at peace about it. But now, I just don't know. Lately the thought of another year and a half makes me panic and worry and wonder how I can hack that much more time? I can tell myself that when the gym opens, it'll be better... that with even more career confidence, I'll be okay. That I can try and publish a book and spend the next time working on myself even more... but really? That doesn't fix the fact that I have no real life here... that I'm bored and spend a lot of time convincing myself that I'm not...
I don't know... I really don't. I look at that thing and I can't bring myself to sign it. Especially now since I checked the website of my dream school in HK and they are hiring for a position that I could in fact do... a position that would give me more experience and would pay me a heck of a lot more money... So what do I do????
Is this fear of commitment? Are my panicky feelings for a reason? Am I just experiencing "grass is always greener" syndrome? What do I do?
Well my boss said I could sign before Christmas and then break it when I come back in the New Year. Where's the logic in that? I don't know.. but I guess I shouldn't panic yet... Things could feel different when I come back here in January...
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1 comment:
GO GO GO!!!! Or at least apply for the job! HK would be cool and exciting and new. And if you hate it, at least you've learned it's not the eutopia you've been imagining in your head. No regrets.
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